March 24th, 2002:
Ever have one of those weeks where you feel so alone in this world? The
kind you've never imagined could ever happen, and never had until now?
Well, I've just gone through it and I sure hope no one ever has to go
through that themself.
I couldn't sleep, eat, think clearly...do anything basically, and I couldn't stop it because it was all controlled by someone else.
I think I hit rock bottom this past week in pain and hurt, but I'm slowly trying to dig myself out of it, having to accept some things that have changed and having to accept some decisions I didn't want being made, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Details aren't going to be entered here because I do know this is a public forum and this is extremely private, so don't be asking me for clues about anything.
I did a lot of soul searching, mostly in that horrible pain, but hopefully I'll learn from it and toughen myself up some more and quit being too emotional.
Sometimes I feel that sounding like I don't care is better than gushing out emotions, only to save face and not sound pathetic. It also makes me feel like I'm too dependent on some things, but hey, my emotions aren't just going to go away overnight. Know what I mean?
Yes folks, the Kreature is human, with real human emotions and feelings and is still currently hurting so very much inside, more so than all my entire life combined into one =(
All I could ask is why me?
Am I that horrible of a person to deserve the one happy thing in my life taken away from me?
I hate this world sometimes...I honestly do...=(